"I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can't go through another of those terrible times. And I shan't recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can't concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don't think two people could have been happier 'til this terrible disease came. I can't fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can't even write this properly. I can't read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that — everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer. I don't think two people could have been happier than we have been. V."
Virginia Woolf aktif, kararli ve yavas bir intihari icra etmeden once kocasina birakmis bu notu. Yazarken ne kadar kendiydi, ne kadar bir roman kahramaniydi bilinmez. Ama boyle sevdiyse, boyle anlasildiysa, bu kadar inandiysa, kocasiyla yasadigi acik iliskiden cikarilmasi gereken dersler oldugunu dusunuyorum. Henuz ne cikaracagimi ben de bilmiyorum. Ama inanilmanin verdigi huzuru biliyorum. Inanmanin verdigi bagi da. Iki kisi olmanin guzelliklerinden biri diye dusunuyorum.
Diday diday day.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment